Breathless: Part 3

Make sure to catch up on Part 1 and Part 2!

Shortly before Valentine’s Day of my senior year, my roommate was asking me my plans for the big night. When I asked why, she spilled the beans that Chris wanted to come up to take me out as a surprise. For whatever reason, I ended up going home the weekend before Valentine’s Day. I called him a few times to let him know that we should hang out and then a few more to tell him something funny…but he never picked up.

When I got back to school, I still hadn’t heard from him and had the ominous “punched in the stomach feeling.” Well, a little Facebook stalking confirmed that he had actually been AT Purdue…with one of my former best friends. I was shell-shocked. He and I had a very firm NO DATING FRIENDS policy because we knew it wouldn't work well for us.  I didn’t hear from him at all for almost a month. He ended up coming to take her out for Valentine’s Day instead of me.

I was absolutely crushed.

Finally, my former friend decided to talk to me about it…over IM. So awesome of her. She said that she wanted my “blessing” before they continued dating. I told her in no-uncertain terms that if they wanted to continue dating, I wouldn’t stop them…but I wouldn’t be in the picture either. It wasn’t handled well, but the very long conversation ended with me telling her that he’s a great guy and he deserves to be happy, so take care of him.

At the same time this was going on, I was LOSING.MY.MIND in another conversation with Chris. I was literally throwing the book at him. I was so hurt and ticked at how he’d handled things that I threw out insults like a child. Because we had so much history, I knew what would hurt him the most…and I wasn’t afraid to use it. It wasn’t fair of me and I was saying things out of anger even though they were the exact opposite of what I actually thought.

The end result of those conversations was that they continued dating and I stepped out of the picture. He and I had ruined other relationships together and if this was really what he wanted, I had to let him go after it. After having him in my life for six years, it was really hard to move on without him. I was devastated and I missed him like I never could have imagined. It was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. Eventually, after a lot of tears, torn-up letters and talks with friends, I was able to accept reality and move on with my life.

More later....