Funny story: Our dresses were fitted and had a built in bra. After dinner I had the other cool bridesmaid, Jamie, loosen mine up a bit real quick at the table. Dave, the usher, saw this and goes “what the heck?” I said “I can’t breathe!” So later we were dancing and he goes “Let me know if you can’t breathe…or if I just take your breath away.” I almost tripped on my heels I was laughing so hard.
After the wedding ended, a bunch of people were going to go out to a bar down the street, but they were taking forever. It was freezing, I had a huge bag and had been up since 7am…all I wanted to do was go home. So I did. I traipsed up the stairs, scrubbed my face, took out all the bobby pins and poured myself into bed. And slept for 10 hours.
I woke up the next morning in a funk. The only person I talked to the entire day was my mom…and that’s because I called her bawling. As thrilled as I am that all of my friends have found the right person for them, it’s that much more glaringly obvious that I haven’t. It’s still just me. I can still go an entire day without seeing anyone and no one would notice. That’s really depressing.
A few weeks ago, I had coffee with a great girl, Megan, whom I met from this blog. We ended up talking for two hours about everything from the fabulousness that is Chicago to how unfair it is to be the oldest child. She’s also single and made the comment “It’s not that I’m unhappy with my life, but it would be nice just to be dating.” I couldn’t agree more.
I’m not looking to get married tomorrow at all. But is it too much to ask to go on a date with someone who’s not only interesting, attractive and available, but also feels the same way about me? Because if it is, I quit right now. Both Megan and I are gainfully employed, smart, funny and totally normal, good girls. And, BONUS: we’re not unfortunate looking at all. So, why are we both single in one of the most populated cities in the world? We should be beating guys off with a stick. Seriously. I really don’t understand.
I called my mom yesterday crying my eyes out because it sometimes just feels hopeless. She reminded me that it’s not hopeless and that God has a plan. But that doesn’t make it any less frustrating. To be really honest, I think this plan sucks right now. Where is the lesson in me being miserably alone? I’ve been playing that game for more than three years and it’s getting old, real fast. Patience has never been my strong suit. I’m sure God is probably up there just shaking His head at me because He sees what’s ahead. But, I don’t. I don’t know that it will all be ok. I don’t know that I’ll ever get married or have kids. Actually, forget marriage and kids…what’s a girl got to do to have a decent date!?
Sorry for the Debbie Downer post…I know I’ll snap out of this funk eventually. But for now, that’s where I’m at.
"If he's out there somewhere I would give everything just to know.
Just to hold and to finally have him take me to sunrise from indigo."
~Sister Hazel
Weddings can be difficult when you are single. Kudos to you for having a blast, even though you were feeling down later.
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to not know what's going to happen. I'm working on trying to embrace this season of my life, instead of wishing I were married. I can look at other things in my life and see how God had a plan, so I try my best to trust that even if this isn't exactly where I thought I'd be right now, I'm exactly where God wants me to be. Some days are better than others. ;-)
Feel you. SAME boat down here. Remember the post you put out "Planning...it's what I do". That post is what I've been going to and reading over and over again the last few weeks. That post is encouragement...read what you wrote, and more importantly believe what you wrote. I know it's hard.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post...I think and feel this way almost every day. I am 31 and haven't been on a date since high school - pathetic, right? I don't know about you, but it is so hard for me to explain how I feel to people who were married early in life, or who have already found their mate. Even harder for me is trying to explain it to my mother who has been married for 38 years. I know it doesn't make you feel any better, but you are not alone! Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteOh Lindsay - I know. It is so hard and sometimes, it just gets tiring pretending that it isn't. We need to get out there (wherever "there" is, but people seem to say it all the time)!
ReplyDeleteThanks for being so honest. Being single is hard and sometimes we have good days and bad. Nothing like a wedding to remind you that you are single and alone. Hope that today is a better day. Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteYou are so amazing Lindz! This is why I admire you so much. You just put it all out there. I'm learning to be more like you. I know right now sucks, but please remember what your mom said. God has a plan for you and the man he has in mind is going to be amazing and everything, but he's just not ready yet. I'm going to go ahead and say that he's not mature enough to have such an amazing, independent woman like you. He's getting there though. I love you!
ReplyDeleteI don't know how helpful this will be, but after college I moved back home to my hometown where my only friends were my parents, brother, and best friend who became self-involved and obsessed with her fiance and wedding planning. I felt like I had no one and was miserable. One of my friends told me to try a dating site, not because I was desperate to meet someone to marry, because I was only 23 and I knew I wasn't in a hurry to settle down, but just to give me something to do. I think the plan would've been awesome if I hadn't fallen for the first guy I went out with, but either way, it gives you a chance just to date. Added bonus, you get to semi-pre-screen them before you meet. Just a suggestion!
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