Maybe not ALWAYS a bridesmaid...

Well,  it's safe to say that I took a long break from blogging.  Life just got a bit crazy...in a good way.

On Christmas morning, 2012, my handsome photographer showed up at my parents house in Indiana, unannounced.  He proceeded to drop to one knee, say a bunch of really sweet stuff (that I barely remember) and then give me the most beautiful ring on the planet.

We spent the next 10 months planning a ridiculously beautiful, fun and DIFFERENT wedding.  Life was crazy busy - we had four other friends getting married in the same year.  It was basically insanity.  But, we managed to pull off the sweetest, most beautiful, fall barn wedding we could have dreamed of....even if it was a bit chilly.  I plan to start posting the pictures (we got over 2000) that our incredibly talented photographer got from our most favorite day.

Getting Ready

My Grandmother's ring she gave me before she passed away and my garter made from my mom's wedding dress.

Stacia can always make me laugh - even when it's pouring rain on my wedding day.

Badgley Mishka shoes - dyed teal to match the bridesmaids dresses.

Our friends are a bit crazy - but SUPER fun!

Mike had an "A" team and a "B" team - each got a customized Bulls jersey as part of their gift.

My girls and my uncle who handmade my veil.

Cousin Sarah and our beautiful niece, Nevaeh - one of the flower girls.

What good are custom jerseys if you can't play in them!?

I would wear this dress for the rest of my life - loved it SO much!! (FYI - got it off the rack at a fabulous store on Bridal Row in Cincinnati - the designer has since stopped making this version.)

Seeing my brother for the first time made me cry most of my make-up off...

Ready to roll - my sister-in-law carrying our precious baby nephew!

More to come!!

(All photos by Jessica Strickland.  I can't say enough good things about her!!)

A Year's Time

In the past year I have...

...had a seriously, crappy job.

...found an awesome new job with great hours and fun people to work with!

...moved out of my uncle's house and into my first Chicago apartment with a random craigslist roommate.

...been to my cousin's re-wedding.

...realized that I can't plan everything and that it takes a whole lot of trust in God (and a great sense of humor) to make it through life.

...gone to Miami, Las Vegas, Cancun, Breckenridge, and the Field of Dreams in Iowa

...been back to Nashville at least four times and had my friend's come visit me on the hottest day of the year in the City!

...realized that Chicago = Home.

...had the honor of being a bridesmaid in my BFF's wedding :)

...woke up the morning after my BFF's wedding in the biggest funk/black cloud of my life.  I couldn't figure how to snap out of it.

...busted my ankle while jogging in place.  True Story.

...completed my first 5k with my good friend (and running nut) KK!

...started what is SURE to be a long running affair with Apple products.  Oh Macbook & iPhone, how I ADORE thee!

...let go of a long time friendship without hard feelings.

...fallen off the face of the interwebs.


...decided to "become brave" and finally got my tattoo that I'm still obsessed with.

...stopped living my life to make everyone else happy and decided to make myself happy.

...joined Match.com and went on some dates.

...met a bunch of really cool people.

...spent our last family Christmas together with Grandma.  She went to be with the Lord on February 13, 2011.  Her seventy-something years on this planet were well lived.  I miss her every.single.day.  I'm so thankful to be part of her amazing legacy and so grateful for the family she provided us with.  They are what keeps me going and keeps me humble.



...And finally (also most surprisingly), I have fallen head-over-heels in love with this guy:

It's been almost seven months since Mike & I met for our Match date.  It has been possibly the hardest seven months of my life.  From getting pneumonia the day after New Year's and being sick for almost a month and a half, to saying good-bye to my Grandma, this man has literally stood by my side through every single second.

During my awesome pneumonia time, he would literally just lay in bed next to me and play Angry Birds while I slept.

If it were not for him, I would still be huddled in a mess from finding out about Grandma passing.  He was right there to catch me and knew EXACTLY what to say/not say and do/not do.  He stayed up with me until 2am doing the slideshow for her funeral.  Actually, that's a lie.  He DID the slideshow for the funeral and I stayed up and tried not to cry.  He didn't freak out at me when I started crying because it smells like the Lake (where she lived) or when I had a few too many dirty martinis and completely lost it because she should have been able to meet him.  He was strong enough to just let me cry.

He invited me to Cancun where he was shooting a wedding, we went to his office party, and we stupidly took a road trip to Breckenridge for a long weekend. I could travel anywhere with him and be completely happy, even if it's just the two of us.

We've celebrated Christmas, New Year's, both of our birthdays, weddings and many other countless occasions.  We've met each other's families (even my insane amount of cousins), and we're both still sticking around.  He even helped my uncles and cousins put in our docks at the lake in the freezing cold and didn't complain one bit.

He is kind and patient with me when I know I don't deserve it.  He puts up with my incessant chatter about my family and the friends I have in Nashville.  He lets me see all of his pictures before he edits them (a pet peeve of his).  He pays attention to the little things that I love and surprises me with them later.  When I apologize for being crazy, he just says "It's ok...I know you can't help it." When he gets short with me, he always comes back and apologizes.  He calls when he says he will and does what he says he will do.

The past seven months have been some of the worst of my life, but they've also been some of the best because I've had the huge honor of calling Mike my boyfriend.  I didn't know that guys like him existed in real life. He keeps me grounded and lets me be myself while still pushing me to do bigger things and get outside of my comfort zone. Yes, he's not perfect, but I cannot imagine having someone better by my side.      

Cute Photographer Boy

After a great first date, I was praying that Mike wasn’t dating six other people or that he wasn’t a total player. In the meantime, I was home for Thanksgiving and showed my family some pictures of “cute photographer boy.” Surprisingly, Mike texted me the whole time I was home…and didn’t even stop talking to me when I told him my little cousins did a production of “Squanto & the First Thanksgiving.” (I wouldn’t have blamed him if he did.)

When I got back from Thanksgiving, Mike wanted to hang out again. We decided to get pizza and watch a movie at my place. Unfortunately for me, he still had a beard at that point and I was agonizing over whether or not he’d try to kiss me with that thing or not. Unfortunately for him, he got in a wreck on the way to my house. He was less than thrilled.

We walked in the rain to go pick up the pizza. I asked where his parents live and he started laughing. As it turns out, he lived with his parents. I’m not going to say that it was easy for me to hear that news, because it definitely wasn’t. Everything about this guy was awesome, except for this one thing. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that everything about this guy is AWESOME, except for this one thing. So, after much thought, many emails to friends and consideration, I decided that if that was the one thing I had to deal with from a guy I was really into, that I was ok with it.

Even though this was our second date, I was probably more nervous than our first date. This guy was pretty great and I was attracted to him…so of course, I still couldn’t look him in the eyes. Hell, I could barely look at him period. He must have thought I was crazy.

After we watched a movie and talked for a while (I’m not sure we actually ever put a movie in…), it was time for him to head back to the ‘burbs. And then he kissed me. With a beard. Even though it was a little weird, it wasn’t bad. I was so sure he was going to be a bad kisser b/c something had to be wrong with this guy.

Enchanted

After two bad dates and one decent date, I was ready for a break. I had my fourth date lined up in Indy after I got home for Thanksgiving when I received a last minute email on Match. All it said was “Hi, I’m Mike.” That’s it. No questions, no “How are you?” No cheesy lines or fake conversation. That was it. When I clicked on his profile, I was pleasantly surprised. Mostly, I was shocked at the pictures he had posted…they were all really good…and he was REALLY cute!


Against all odds, I emailed Mike back. We talked back & forth for a bit about Christmas shopping (or the lack thereof on his part). He emailed me one last time and gave me his website and a link to his Facebook page telling me to friend him. I hadn’t even been out on a date with this guy yet and he wants me to friend him? I figured there’s probably not a better way to get a true picture of someone than their Facebook page, so I added him.

I found out he lived in the suburbs, is a photographer on the side (explaining the awesome pictures), he was 28 and worked at a marketing firm in the suburbs. By this point, he’d already asked to meet up on Wednesday night, but I was leaving Wednesday morning for Indy. He’d already set up plans with some coworkers in the city on Tuesday night and decided to invite me along. Shockingly, I agreed to go on a first date with a stranger and his coworkers.

The morning of our date, he texted me the location and followed up with “Oh yeah…I’m also doing No-Shave November, so I kind of have a beard. Normally I don’t.” Got it…so I’m looking for a group of strangers and a guy with a beard. Great. This should be interesting.

That evening, I arrived first and secured a table for a bunch of people. Finally, Mike arrived…and true to text, he had a full beard with a beanie hat on and resembled a lumberjack. Once we got to talking, I realized that I actually liked this guy. He was funny, charming, incredible smart, had AWESOME taste in music and was a really talented photographer. (I didn’t want to tell him that about 90% of my Google reader is filled with photography blogs because he might think I’m crazy.) The next thing I knew it was 11pm and we were the last two at the table. We talked about our friends, family, jobs and lumberjack calendars (seriously).

He kept his arm around me the whole night and was very sweet in general. Because I’m slightly crazy, and I actually liked this guy, I couldn’t look him in the eyes. It made me nervous and I didn’t want him to see I was totally into him.

Eventually, I had to get home and he had to head back to the suburbs. We said goodbye (with a hug) outside of the restaurant and I poured myself into a cab. I sent Mike a text thanking him for dinner and to let him know that my cabbie was blaring Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” We ended up texting until 2am.

As KK & I headed back to Indy the next day, I recalled all of my recent dates. She could tell that I was excited about Mike, even though I was trying not to get my hopes up. Taylor Swift’s “Enchanted” played in my CD player (and my mind) for the entire five days I was home.



“This is me praying that this was the very first page, not where the storyline ends. My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again. These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon: I was enchanted to meet you. Please don't be in love with someone else. Please don't have somebody waiting on you.” ~Taylor Swift

Becoming Brave

After I got my tattoo and stopped caring what others thought, I noticed an immediate change in my attitude. I was happier than I’d been in a long time. I emailed Ann at some point and said that while I was happy with my life in general, it’s still not cool that I hadn’t really been on any dates! So she suggested I join Match. My exact quote was this “I HAVE considered joining Match, but I’m terrified of it (why? I just never thought I’d meet someone I’d marry that way.)” Seems about right…I was scared.

After talking it over with the girls at work (one of whom met her fiancé on there), I got brave and joined. Let the fun begin. There are ALL sorts of people on that website! I was actually really surprised at how many people I was talking to and that most of them seemed normal and pretty cute as well. Within a week, I had four dates lined up. For the record, I was going out of town on Wednesday morning because it was Thanksgiving week, so these dates were pretty crammed in.

Date Number One was a 34 year old, divorced sports sponsorship salesman. He was tall, dark & handsome…just what I like. We met for coffee in my neighborhood on Saturday morning. The conversation was effortless and we had a lot in common! He’d lived in Nashville for some time (with his ex-wife) and had moved all over the country for his job. Overall, he was so sweet and we had a great time talking and laughing.  We made plans to hang out again once we were back in town from the holiday.

Later that afternoon, I had Date Number Two (yes, like Charlotte from S&tC). Date Number Two was one that I was really excited about. He was also tall (I love tall guys), and had lighter features than the first guy. He was a 32 year old ex-marine who had also been divorced. We had been emailing back and forth and for whatever reason, he was super into me. I was still pretty skeptical of it all, so I kept my distance. We met up for coffee downtown and had plans to go ice skating. Unfortunately, everyone else in the city decided that was a good idea as well. We ended up walking around Millennium Park and going to dinner downtown. I’m not sure how we ended up at the place we did, but the waitresses were wearing less than Ho0ters girls. I spent the next two hours listening to him talk about how drunk he got the weekend before and how the people at the bar know him. Great. Chalk that one up to experience. He continued to ask me out and I continued to dodge him.

On Monday, I met up with Date Number Three after work. The restaurant we were supposed to go to was closed, so we ended up at a bar down the street. He was 28 and worked in finance. Really smart guy with great taste in music, but oh.my.gosh…I couldn’t wait to get out of there! For whatever reason, the whole night was just really awkward. It was clear to both of us that we weren’t clicking, so we just left it at that. Never heard from him again. No big loss.

At that point, Date Number Four was supposed to be in Indianapolis once I got home. But I got an email last minute on Match that simply said “Hi, I’m Mike.”

…to be continued…

A Long Time Coming

So, I haven’t updated my blog since November. I’m fully aware of this. Sometimes, life just gets too busy and things fall by the wayside. However, this time, it was intentional.

My funk after Ann’s wedding kind of shocked me. I didn’t snap out of it for almost a week. I finally pulled myself up and realized that I needed to start living my life instead of writing about wanting to live my life. Does that make any sense?

I decided to really live my life the way I want to…not the way I felt everyone else wanted me to. So, I started going out more…even if I was by myself. The weather here kind of sucks during the winter, but I still managed to hang out with friends in my neighborhood. I got to see my older cousin and his girlfriend more and even started doing Hot Yoga.

Eventually, got enough confidence to finally do this:


Kind of looks weird, but that's my left wrist...

Ann went with me (b/c she’s awesome) on a Saturday night to get it done. To say that I love it is a gross understatement. Every time I look at it, I’m reminded how fortunate I am…and that I’m meant to live this life to the fullest. I can’t worry about how everyone will react to the decisions I make. For someone with oldest child syndrome who has always worried about what other people thought or how they would react (from parents, to cousins, to random strangers), this is a huge deal.

At some point though, I think everyone has to accept that they are who they are…flaws and all. I’m not perfect by any means. I make mistakes all the time. But, I always learn from my mistakes and make the next try better. I cannot live in fear that someone is going to judge me or that I’m not doing something perfectly. What kind of life is that? It’s not one.

I read a great quote from Donald Miller that said “Fear is a manipulative emotion that tricks us into leading a boring life.” This was the jolt that shook me out of my funk for good.  Yes, I still have days where I'm a little off or I'm too much into my own thoughts and worried about what everyone thinks or says about me.  But this is not their life.  It's mine...and I'm going to live it!

So, that’s the beginning of the story. There is SO much more that has happened in the past three months that I cannot wait to share!!

Breathless: Part 5

About nine months after I found out they were engaged, Chris and I were emailing back and forth about once a month just keeping each other up to date on our lives, wedding plans, etc. I was even invited to the wedding…which Chris had to fight tooth & nail for. Naturally, I wasn’t stupid enough to go knowing how she felt about me. It would have been a disaster.

After the wedding, I remember looking at the pictures and sensing that something was off. She had always been a great performer and having known her for more than 10 years, I could just tell she was putting on a show at their wedding. It made me sad to see him looking happy and her clearly faking it. I secretly wondered what the future held for them.

I knew how she felt about me (for no good reason, I assure you) and respected the fact that they were married now. I’d hear from Chris about every other month and eventually realized that they were moving back to Indy, where we’re all from. Chris was going back to school (a very good thing) and she had gotten a great new job in the area. Things seemed to be going well for them and because I cared about him, I was happy for them.

Another month or so goes by and I get an email asking if we can talk that night. I could tell by the tone of the email that something was wrong.  He called me later that night and pretty much laid everything out on the table. They’d been having problems before they got married and even though he wanted to, they didn’t slow down and deal with things at the time. He wanted to know how long I’d known that it probably wouldn’t work out. Of course I didn’t answer him, but since the moment they started dating, I wasn’t in huge favor of it because I knew them both so well.

They were still making up their mind as to what to do in regards to their marriage…and being the smart person that I am, I kept out of it. I didn’t want any of it to come back to me. I let him know that no matter what he decided, I would support him and be there for him in the end. But, in order to protect me (and him, too), I couldn’t be involved. He totally agreed and just needed an opinion from someone who knew them both.

A short time later, they separated and filed for divorce. We talked a bit about everything going on. I was four months into my final break-up with Jerk, so I kind of understood where he was with things. He was so devastated at the whole thing. He thought they were happy, but she was really putting on a show the whole time. Only after the wedding did the real person step out from behind the curtain. It wasn’t pretty. Chris is one of the most giving people I know. He will let people walk all over him (sadly, I was one of them once) because he wants them to be happy, but in the meantime, he is losing himself.

I asked him once if they ever went to pre-marital counseling. They thought that counseling was only if you were having issues later in the marriage. I know he desperately wishes they would have been smarter about it. It broke my heart to see how hurt and upset he was.  Especially since I couldn't do anything at all to make him feel better.

...more next time...