Why I Suck At Blogging This Week

Let me tell you why I suck at blogging this week. First off, this whole “work” thing really gets in the way of a lot of things. Seriously. I walked in Monday expecting it to be a pretty easy week. My clients clearly sensed this and started pouring stuff on! Boo on that. See my desk? Yeah, neither do I. Boo. 


Pardon the crappy cell phone picture


Second, this gorgeous girl is taking up a lot of my time:

This is Ann. I met her when I was just a little college freshman. We were shoved together in a TINY dorm room for an entire year. We both chose to go pot-luck for our freshman year and I think we still tell people this is the BEST decision we ever made. Seriously.

What are the odds that two people from two different states both have backgrounds in gymnastics and diving? Pretty slim, but somehow we ended up together. We had some awesome times in that dorm room. We’d go to Tark-mart (dorm convenience store) and get the following: half gallon of milk, roll of cookie dough, pink Laffy Taffy, Nerd Ropes, plain M&Ms and peanut butter. Seriously…at least once a week we’d eat all that. It’s a wonder we didn’t weigh 800 lbs.


Ann & I


Even though we only lived together for one year, it was enough. There are very few people who I can email when I’m having a “sad day” and they’ll know exactly what to say. Ann is the best person for this. I’ve never had someone who just understood where I was coming from. She can take my jumbled up rambling and put it into perfect perspective for me. She’s not afraid of telling me to grow up or that I’m being a moron. I love that about her.

At the same time, she’s also one of my biggest cheerleaders. She was there for me when Jerk & I broke up and promised me that even though I could barely get through a day, that I would be better off on the other side. She knows all about my family drama and will just listen to me talk about it all. She doesn’t try to fix it or tell me what to do. She just listens.

celebrating 25 years of Ann!

To say she’s one of my favorite people would be a gross understatement. I’ve watched her go through some really hard things during and after college. I flew up to Chicago to celebrate her 25th birthday and then again when we both had puppies so they could meet. I love that she’s back in school chasing after something that she truly loves – interior design. She’s so creative, smart and funny. This girl can make me laugh like no one else. Whether telling me how she’s going to hurl while introducing herself to watching her dance after a few too many drinks, she cracks me up. I’m so glad that we now live in the same city. We get to hang out with our puppies (who are best friends, btw), go get mani/pedis, and have slumber parties just like freshman year (minus all most of the junk food).



Head-banging with her brother  - seriously


So, back to why Ann is stealing all my time this week/weekend. Because SHE’S GETTING MARRIED!!!! YAY! She has a wonderful fiancé, Mike, and on Saturday, they will (finally) be married! This wedding has put a lot of stress on her. Between wedding stuff, a bunch of stupid drama, a full time job AND school, the poor girl has been run ragged. I’m excited that she finally gets to wear her gorgeous dress, Christian Loubiton shoes and go on her honeymoon because, well, she deserves it!

Ann & Mike - Almost married!

I’m lucky enough to be a bridesmaid and cannot wait to stand up there for her! Though my to-do list pales in comparison to hers, being a bridesmaid is some serious business. Especially a single bridesmaid. I’ve got nails, toes, spray tan, hair and all that fun stuff to get done. The dresses are adorable and one of the few that can actually be worn again! Thank you J. Crew! Plus, my shoes....are awesome.  Not as amazing as Ann's, but I'm pumped about getting to wear them!



The Bride & her Maids!



Ann, I know you read this, so let me just say this: I am so excited for you! I’m so glad that you’ve finally found a great guy who understands you. You both deserve nothing but the best and I know it’ll come to you. Thank you for being an amazing friend for the past nine years (holy crap, we’re old). Thanks for the constant back and forth emails, Google chats and phone calls over everything and nothing all at once. Who would have thought my pot-luck freshman year roommate would be one of my best friends almost ten years later? I’m so glad we were stuck together on that awful floor in the crappy dorm. My life would not be the same without you. You are truly one of my favorite people and I can’t wait to celebrate your happiness this weekend! Love you!

Thoughts from Africa

I don't have a biological sister.  Neither does my mom.  However, my mom has her best friend .  Her real name is Karen, but Landon &I have always called her Bunny.  We're not really sure why, but we're the only ones who call her that.  Kind of odd now that I'm typing it out.

At any rate, Bunny has three beautiful children.  JT and Michael are great kids...they're smart, funny and I know they love having Landon around to look up to.  Erin is the middle child.  My mom is her God-Mother...which makes me her God-Sister.  For a long time, we've called each other "sis"...especially in recent years.  Since I've been away for eight years, I haven't gotten to spend near the amount of time i wanted to with her. 

I've always worried about her because I wasn't sure she had an entirely clear view of how the world works and seemed to think that she was entitled to whatever she wants.  She is a beautiful person, inside and out.  She has done ballet all her life and is exquisitely talented. Even though I wasn't always around,  I tried to spend time with her when I could and be a positive influence in her life, because she needed one.

Well, after graduating, she decided that college wasn't in the cards yet.  Instead, she was accepted into Global Citizens Year.  Currently, she's in Senegal, Africa for a year.  She has a blog that she's writing while away.  Below is the latest entry she wrote to the classroom that she student taught just before leaving.  It really inspired me...especially the bolded part.  So proud of her!



I want to let you in on a secret.

Perfection is not possible. Age is not always an accurate measure of potential or inner strength. And sometimes, failure IS the only option in becoming stronger.


For a year, I worked under Mrs. Jackson as your Student Teacher. Although I was seen as a teacher by all of you, to many people, I was still a student. Just because I was always teaching you about rules and structure did not mean that I wasn’t still learning about rules and structure as well. I want you to understand, school does not end after high school, or even college. Life is a school, those around you are the teachers, and you are the student. When you fail an Algebra test or make your parents angry, you have not failed in life. That is not the end. You know why? Because when you fall down, all you have to do is pick yourself up and start over again. But, don’t stop there. Find out what went wrong. Search for a solution. Ask questions. Do not fear labels and judgement, but rather, overcome them.


Since I have been away from home, getting ready for my year in Africa, I have been recovering from my many failures throughout my life. But what I have learned here that I had never discovered before is that all of my mistakes play a role in my future; my destiny.


There are two different roads I could have gone down after overcoming my failures:


1. I could have learned from my mistakes, and carried a chip on my shoulder for reaching my goals and improving myself. I could have scorned ignorance, mocked those behind me in life, laughed in the face of failure, and a result, stepped on those who were already down.


-OR-


2. I could have used my understanding of failure and loss to help others. I could have encouraged curiosity and learning, believed in others’ knowledge, and had faith in those who are searching for faith in themselves.

As I sit here now, in California, awaiting my time to leave for Senegal, I want you all to know that my time with Global Citizen Year has helped my pick the second option, without a doubt. And I also want all of you to know that every single one of you holds a strong place in my heart. You are a huge part of the reason that I am who I am today. I believe that each of you is capable of reaching your dreams. Keep your eyes on the things that matter. Never accept failure as defeat. You each inspire me in a unique way.

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us…

- Marianne Williamson

Home

This past weekend I was able to head down South and visit my friends in Nashville. It’s always so good to see them. I can’t believe a few months have already passed since they came up here to visit. Time really flies. I hadn’t seen Babykins since the middle of May. Poor thing barely recognized me. Only after I spent two days with him did he finally not immediately start crying when he saw me! I guess that’s what you get when you move 600 miles away.


After a great flight (my row was the life of the party on Southwest!), I got to spend Friday night with the girls having a fabulous dinner at La Paz and ice cream at Sweet CiCis. So yummy. Then I went back to Stacia’s to “help” her bake a cake (she does it professionally). By “help” I mean, sit there, play DJ and look at things online. I’m not allowed to touch anything. It makes sense if you’ve ever seen me bake (which you probably haven’t, because I don’t…for good reason.)

The next morning, after running around their neighborhood in the blazing heat (um, hello Nashville? It’s FALL. Get the memo.), I had a delicious chocolate croissant, got ready and headed to Jen’s. I had grand plans for going out…but it turned into movie night with a few beers. I was exhausted. Jen & I got to have lunch with Carrie - a former co-worker - at Cheesecake Factory and did a little retail therapy in the Green Hills area. Sunday night Jen & Matt made yummy fajitas, Charlie & Stacia came over and we watched a movie (Date Night = hilarious!). It was good just to have time to catch up. I watched Babykins on Monday. We went to the park to run around in the 90 degree heat. Seriously, Nashville…summer has ended! By the time he woke up from his nap, it was time for me to head to the airport. Sort of sad, but I got a lot of cute pictures of him over the weekend…and none of anything else. So not cool.

As much fun as I had this weekend, I was actually ready to get back to Chicago. For months, I’ve been referring to Nashville as “home.” It still seemed that a lot of my life was there and I was just trying Chicago on for size. I was talking to my mom on the way to the airport when she asked if I was ready to leave. She fully expected me to say “no” and start bawling because I had to leave my friends. I surprised her, and myself, when I said “Yeah, I’m ready to get back home.” Neither of us saw it coming.

It was great to see my friends. I hate that I don’t get to do so more often. Yes, it makes me sad that I don’t get to be Babykin’s primary babysitter anymore and it hurts that he doesn’t recognize me. Yep, it absolutely sucks that I don’t get to hang out with Jen, Matt, Stacia, Charlie, Rebecca, Carrie and everyone else all the time. I gave up a life in Nashville with the hopes of a better one in Chicago. While it will be hard to top the amazing friends I made there, this life - my Chicago life - is perfect for me at this point. I’m sure I’ll go through many ups and downs just like I did in Nashville, but this is where I know I’m meant to be. As I curled up in my messy, hot room last night, I was just happy to finally be home.

Viva Las Vegas

With quitting the crappy old job and beginning new awesome job, I had a little bit of time off for some R&R. Coincidentally, Jason hadn't used much of his time off for the year either. So, we hopped several flights to Vegas.

After our direct flight to Vegas filled up unexpectedly, we took a roundabout way. From Chicago, we flew to Vancouver - as in Canada. Thank goodness my cousin forced me to get a new passport. After landing at 11:30pm (1:30am our time), we needed a hotel room for less than 5 hours because we had an early morning plane to catch. Enter shady front desk agent at the H. Inn. We may or may not have paid half the actual price of the hotel room under the table. I cannot confirm nor deny. Either way, less than four hours later, we were out the door to catch our next flight. You might think it would be to Las Vegas, Nevada. But you'd be wrong. It was to Denver, Colorado.

After a short layover in Denver, we finally headed to Las Vegas. And planner Lindsay didn't have a place to stay. My nerves were shot at this point after less than 3 hours of sleep, more than 6 hours on planes and a serious lack of planning. We actually booked a hotel room in the Las Vegas airport, right before hopping in a cab to said hotel. We ended up staying at Bally's for a few reasons. One: It was dirt cheap. Two: My friend Corty works there as a beverage director and hooked us up with plenty of free food and drinks. Score.

The first night after catching up with Corty, she scored us free tickets to the world premier of The Expendables at Planet Hollywood. We were pretty excited to see the movie stars (Hello, Jason Statham) in real life and to see a good action flick. OH. MY. GOSH. We were so wrong. The movie was A.W.F.U.L. Seriously...just bad. The only reason we were both able to stay awake was because of all the explosions in the movie. Also, you know it's going to be a classy movie when someone's entire torso is blown off in the first 2 minutes of the movie. Lesson learned.

We got to walk all around the strip the next day in the insane Vegas heat (I did love the no humidity thing though.) The Venetian was absolutely stunning and it's just not fair to have Christian Louboutin AND Coach in the same vicinity. Jason had to drag me out of the stores reminding me that I don't need $1000 pumps and $500 handbags. (But I want them...) After getting some lunch, we hit the casino. And by "we" I mean "Jason." I'm not much of a gambler because I don't quit while I'm ahead (much like my life.) Within 5 minutes of playing slots, Jason has won $50. Not only did he win it playing slots, but he won it on the SEX & THE CITY SLOT MACHINE! If anyone should have won that, it should have been me (or Ann)! After losing five dollars, I decided it was more important for me to go shopping and him to go win me some money at the poker tables. Afterwards we went to a very yummy dinner at Neros in Caesar's Palace (which IS beeper friendly, BTW). Then Corty took us downtown to Old Vegas and she and I played the Wizard of Oz slots for a while and caught up on our exremely boring lives.

I can't believe it'd been almost two years since I'd last seen her on our cruise! Time flies and it had been way too long - which it will not be again. We definitely missed having Brian around, but hopefully we'll plan another Midnight Homework Club reunion soon :)

Finally, on our last day, I hung out at the pool for a few hours and Jase played some more poker. We met up for a quick dinner and then caught the Zumanity Show at New York New York. The show, while a little risque for my taste, was unbelievable. I have new desire to take up the flying ribbons because it was so unbelieveable. Also, New York New York hotel was really fun as well! I think I'd stay there if I ever went back just because it is literally exactly like New York! We caught the final Bellagio water show on the way back played to one of my absolute favorite songs "Conte Partiro" by Andrea Bocelli. That water show is NOT underrated whatsoever and was one of my favorite things all weekend. I could have watched it for hours!

It was such a fabulous trip and I'm glad we got to get away for a few days before the new job starts! Of course, I was glad to be able to fly home (first class, direct flight!) to get back to my puppy! Sorry about the lack of pictures...I have them, blogspot just hates when I try to format them!!  I'll keep trying though :)

Where did the summer go!?

So more than a few people have informed me that I suck at keeping up with my blog...and they're correct.  I absolutely cannot believe that it will be August in a few days!  I feel like summer was just beginning and now they're putting out back-to-school stuff!?  What??  At any rate, it has been an interesting time this summer!  I have literally gone non-stop since the end of June! 

In June, Jason and I had the pleasure a true Chicago experience!  Neither of us had ever been to a Cubs game at Wrigley field, so he and a bunch of his work friends arranged awesome tickets for everyone!  It involved drinking before noon, spending way too much money on souvineers, a really hot summer day and a lot of laughs!  We had such a great time and even though we were literally in the highest seats in the stadium, I think they were the best!

Then in July, I decided it was a good time to become a total blonde again.  More importantly, we were able to spend Fourth of July weekend at Jason's lake house in Southern Indiana with Brett & Megan!  It was so good to catch up with them and spend the weekend just relaxing and hanging out in the boat with Jason's family and our friends.  I may have pushed it a little too hard while tubing and couldn't put on jackets for about four days.  No one tells you how much it sucks getting older!  I don't have many pictures from the Fourth becuase my camera sucks and we may have broken Jase's while in Miami, but a few were taken!

Then the weekend after the Fourth, I finally got to move into my new place!!!  Holy crap did it take a lot of work to get it ready to be lived in, but I couldn't be happier with it!  I'll do a separate post with the total tour at some point, but this is a picture of the outside.  Amanda (my roommate) and I have the third and fourth floor.  It's absolutely adorable!  I must say that Jason was absolutely an amazing help.  He stayed up half the night painting with me for the entire weekend.  Seriously.  It looks a million times better and I'm so thankful for all of his help!

So then the weekend after I moved in, my friends from Nashville came to visit!!  We'd been planning that trip for a while and I was about to jump out of my skin I was so excited to see them!  Stacia, Charlie, Jen and Matt made the 8 hour drive all the way from Tennessee to spend a semi-long weekend trucking around in Chicago!  It was super interesting with the Transformers 3 movie closing down Michigan Avenue, me having to work and them staying out by the airport (boo suburbs), but it didn't matter!  I was just glad I got to see them!  They were my life in Nashville and my life here just doesn't feel complete without them! 

We ate at some of the best restaurants EVER.  Fronterra and Table Fifty-Two come HIGHLY reccomended by this crowd of foodies!  After dinner on Sunday, before they all left, we went to the beach to take some pictures of all of us (STACIA - Put your dang pictures on FACEBOOK!!!)

Jase&Matt bonding over espresso machines.

My favorite people and my favorite city!  (Only missing my favorite Babykins!)

Jase and I in our city!

 

Then this past weekend, Ann had her first shower for her wedding coming up in October!  It was absolutely gorgeous and I couldn't be happier for her!  I am SO blessed to have her in my life...especially given the way we met!  Who would have thought my pot-luck freshman year roommate would be one of my best friends more than 8 years later!  I'm super excited for her October wedding, especially after seeing her in her dress!  I'm still in shock that we're old enough to be getting married!  What happened to college??

Ann and her Bridesmaids!

Finally, after all the dust settled from the craziness, my mom brought my puppy back up to me (after almost a month) and also put together my entire apartment in one week.  She also decorated Jason's as well...because, why not!?  Both places look about a million times better than before.  I really don't know what I'd do without my momma :)  It was sad to have her leave, but I'll see her this weekend!  We're headed back to Indy tomorrow!  It seriously just never stops.  My little brother's best friend (and my secondary little brother) Zacky, will be getting married to a wonderful girl - Jessica - tomorrow night!  Then Saturday night, Jason's friends from B-School are getting married at IU.  So we'll be down there to celebrate that!  It's such a crazy life, but right now, I'm just glad that I get to live in my city, see my friends & family and have my puppy around!  I promise to put more pictures of the apartment up once I get them!  Hopefully I'll average more than once a month for this thing! :)  But for now, check out this cuteness:

Through the Looking Glass

Some days, it's really easy to look back at the past and wish you had done things differently or that things had gone the other way.  Today is not one of those days. 

While working goofing around at work when I should have been working, I was on Facebook.  I got the stupid idea to look up Jerk.  So I did.  I've done this before (almost a year ago) and it just absolutely sent me into a depression of "what ifs."  What if he and I had been able to work things out?  What if I'd stayed with him despite how crappy he was?  What would my life be like?  And worse than the "what ifs", is that part of me still wanted to be with him...despite the crappiness.  Stupid, right?

But today, I looked at the picture of him and honestly thought "What in the hell did I see in him!?"  I thought about how awful I felt when I was with him and how truly selfish he was.  I even looked at his picture and said "huh...he's not even that cute!"  Needless to say, this is a huge improvement.  Because that time in my life was awful, it makes me appreciate just how good I've got it now and how far I've come. 

For example, I've always known I have a great family.  But living in Tennessee, it was hard to see them because they were all at least 5 hours away.  But, because I'm in Chicago, I got to love on all of my cousins and play in the water at my favorite place on earth.  We jumped and swam and ran and played charades and just enjoyed each other's company.  It's so much fun to see the world through the kids eyes and scary how fast they're becoming little adults.

Secondly, had I not gone through everything a few years ago, I wouldn't have some of my best friends: Jen, Matt, Stacia & Charlie.  They all came into my life at the exact right time and I really wouldn't trade the memories made with them for anything.  God definitely knew what he was doing with that situation.  I could go on and on about these people and how much I miss them, but I won't.

Lastly, being in such a crappy relationship has made me excited to find a good and right one.  Not trying to jump any guns here, but I'll just say that for now, I'm really happy.  Someone is here for me to bounce ideas off of, to challenge me in my thinking and most importantly, to make me laugh.  I'm not sure I've laughed so much in a long time.  Even when I'm being an insane girl and claiming he chose an apartment over me and my dog (seriously...stupid), he just hugs me and lets me know that he actually cares about me and he would never chose anything over Lex & I.  What's more, is I actually trust him.  I didn't trust Jerk - and for good reason.  Now, it's not even a thought in my head because I know Jase wouldn't do a thing to intentionally hurt me.  It's refreshing to be able to say that.  I'm still proceeding with caution because I always do, but it's fair to say that I'm happy with where I am.

In all, it's such a relief to see how far I've come and to know that I've learned from my mistakes and also been blessed from my mistakes.  I may not always know what I'm doing, but I'm so glad that God does.

So...I'm Not Twenty-One Anymore?? Crap.

Last night was my first offical night out in Chicago.  This morning all I could think was "ouch."  Seriously...I'm getting too old for this...but I doubt it'll stop me!  I packed up Lex and headed back down to Lincoln Park to stay with Ann and Harper.  We went out for her friend, Tarrah's, birthday celebration at McGee's.  Turns out, $25 for all you can drink is a great deal...until you wake up.  At any rate, after a wardrobe crisis Ann declared it was time to "drink till we feel better about ourselves."  Awesome.  Goal semi- accomplished...until we woke up.

I will say that for only being in the city a little over a week, I ran into someone I've known since high school.  Jeremy, one of Chris' best friends, was out at the same bar.  For being such a big town, it's really not.  The icing on the cake was that KK (Caitlin) showed up too!!  We literally grew up across the street from each other and on a street full of boys, we were the only girls.  We were some fierce roller hockey players though.  Seriously, the best time ever growing up with her.  She's three years younger than me and just started a job in the city as well!  I hadn't seen her in probably 3-4 years and it was SUCH a blast to catch up last night!  We're now going to wait for her little brother, Adam, to turn 21 in May and get him and Landon up here to party...sure to be an epic night.

Moral of the story:  Drinking is fun.  Catching up with old friends is fun.  Staying out till 3:30am is even fun.  Getting older and not being able to tolerate all that in one night is the bummer of it all.


PS.  Got more than one comment on my southern accent...apparently it comes out when I drink.  Thanks Nashville.

"I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends"

So tonight I had a fabulous dinner date with my wonderful friend, Stacia.  I met her at work a few years ago, but didn't really get to know her until she moved into the cube (yes, we're cubicle monkeys) next door to mine.  After quite a bit of drama (which I'll be sure to post at a later date), it became a trio of Jen, Stacia & I. 

Jen is 27 years old.  She is from Vardaman, Mississippi...the sweet potato capitol of the world.  No joke.  Jen married Matt (who is too hilarious) when she was 21 (he was 23) years old.  They now live in a wonderful house in Mt. Juliet.  About 10 months ago, they produced a little Babykins (my nickname for him).  Babykins is the cutest baby ever and I adore being his Aunt Linny and hope to soon spoil him beyond belief. 

Jen & Matt - NYE '08

Babykins in all his adorable-ness.

Stacia just turned 29.  She is married to a wonderful engineer - Charlie.  They got Maui-ed in Hawaii and have some of the most beautiful wedding pictures I've ever seen.  They bought a gorgeous townhouse in Pleasant View (this house has like 8 sets of stairs...seriously) that is about five minutes away from her amazing mom.  Stacia just recently quit working in order to deveop plans to open her own bakery right next to their house.  She is an AMAZING baker and I expect to get lots of free macaroons in the near future. 

Staca & Charlie got Maui-ed :)

Anyway, the reason I tell you all that is to tell you this story.  I moved to Tennessee for my job and I was thrilled beyond belief.  It was my first job out of college and my first chance to live alone.  I moved down here, started my job on a Tuesday and the next Monday, I met my boyfriend.  I never looked back.  I spent the next two years wrapped up in him and never allowed myself the chance to have a life outside of our relationship. 

Fast forward two years (and yet more drama I'll get to eventually).  The ex (J) & I had a very messy break-up.  I had to start over again from scratch.  Literally.  I was in a job that I didn't want, with people I didn't want to work with.  Unfortunately, the feeling was mutual.  I was hated (and they'll tell you that too) by everyone in my department and I was horribly depressed.  I had no social life and was going from bed to work to bed every day.  I had an amazing roommate (Jenna) from college that kept me from being a total hermit.

Then, Jen got transferred into my department.  I had no clue who she was, but the more I sat in meetings with her (we go to a lot of meetings), the more I wanted to know her.  We had the same sense of humor and seem to have the same temperment.  Eventually, we were hanging out outside of work and I got the chance to get to know her husband, Matt.  I eventually got to know her Mom, Dad & sister and they were equally as wonderful.  They made me feel at home and I was so grateful to have someone to talk to.

A few months later, Stacia got promoted into our department as well.  Soon enough, we were all three friends.  We would have girls nights or we'd all go out to dinner, husbands included.  When I hang out with all of them, I never feel like the fifth wheel.  Their husbands are amazing and I'm blessed to know them as well.  For the first time in a long time, I found myself laughing so hard my stomach hurt.  I was able to go out after work and not feel completely exhausted.  The past two years have been a rollercoaster for the three of us individually; Jen called us when she found out she was pregnant, Jen & I were there while Stacia went through the most horrible thing she'll ever have to deal with and we would commiserate about the crazy clients we had to deal with. 

I fully credit them with bringing me back to life.  They were patient, kind and honest with me.  Just recently, I went on a horrible date (more on that at a later date...pun intended).  I was telling them about it the next day and Jen pointed something out to me.  "Two years ago, Lindsay would have gone out with bad-date-boy quite a bit longer because she wouldn't have been true to her feelings."  Wow.  I almost cried because she was so right.  I've come so far in the past two years...and I owe the majority of it to these two ladies (and their husbands and babykins.)  They make me laugh, they talk in strange voices to me, they invite me over for family meals or to watch crappy TV.  I would be utterly lost in Nashville without them.

Linny, Stacia & Jen NYE '08

So, that brings up dinner tonight.  Stacia and I grabbed some yummy dinner at the 1808 Grille at the Hutton Hotel where Pioneer Woman stayed!  Jen, unfortunately, couldn't join us because Babykins has a nasty case of the Chicken Pox.  Stacia was asking me how my job-hunt in Chicago was going.  She's notorious for sending me random jobs in Nashville in order to get me to stay.  Jen does the same.  They've both been very vocal about not wanting me to go.  I posed the question to Stacia, "What is here for me?"  Her answer?  "Me, Charlie, Jen, Matt & Babykins."  This got me thinking.  Are they enough to keep me here?

The thought of leaving all of them and starting fresh somewhere I fit in flat-out kills me.  They are part of who I am.  They are my family here...literally.  But at the same time, they all have their own lives...their own families, kids and other friends.  Is it fair for me to stay here for them?  I'm so torn because I start crying when I think about missing Babykin's first birthday or the opening of Stacia's bakery.  But at the same time, if I take them out of the equation...I have nothing but a job holding me in Tennessee.  I know that I deserve to be as happy as they are in their marriages and lives...I think I'm just scared to actually go after it. 

So, for now, I'm applying to every job I'm remotely qualified for in Chicago (and some in Indy).  I know that no matter what, the three of us will still be friends.  I'll still be Aunt Linny, will still be able to talk to Stacia in stupid voices and come up with stupid nicknames for people in the office.  And I think they understand that too.  At this point, it's up to God...and I'm ok with that.  He knows better than the three of us.